Redemption
by SmashedupFairy
Summary: Catherine is forced to revisit her past when she tries to help her wayward niece. Sara and Ellie both feel that they're at fault.
1. After life

"Do you believe in Reincarnation?"  
  
Catherine didn't look up as she asked the question. She continued to doodle aimlessly on the paper in front of her.  
  
Warrick frowned, "What do you mean?"  
  
"You know," she threw her pen down and rested her chin on her arms. "Like if you've led a good and true existence, then when you die you return as a higher being. If you've lived a life of sin, then you return as some lower level creature."  
  
Warrick pulled a face. "God, I hope not."  
  
Catherine laughed.  
  
Nick leaned back in his chair, resting his foot on his opposite knee. He looked thoughtful. "But how can something like a worm commit a sin? Their soul must just keep on moving up and up the chain until it's reincarnated as a creature that's capable of evil."  
  
Sara grinned, "Hey. Maybe that's why Grissom's so into his bugs. Maybe his soul remembers being one."  
  
A slightly evil look passed over Warrick's face, "Hey Nicky. I reckon you were a slug."  
  
"Bite me!" Nick threw a folded newspaper at Warrick. Warrick ducked just in time. The paper ruffled his hair as it sailed over his head.   
  
By this time Catherine had retrieved her pen and returned to her doodling. She looked troubled. Sara wondered briefly what was bothering her, but Grissom entered the room, drawing the focus of her attention elsewhere.   
  
In the morning, after her shift, Catherine drove straight to her sister Laura's house, where Lindsey had spent the night. She stood now in the darkened bedroom, watching Lindsey sleep. Her daughter's face twisted in her sleep, reflecting her dreams. For a second she bared a shocking resemblance to her father, Eddie.  
  
Catherine sat on the edge of the bed, stroking Lindsey's hair. She kept thinking about Eddie. He'd not exactly lead an honest life. She wondered what had become of him after his death and if the same fate awaited her.  
  
A soft knocking on the bedroom door roused her from her thoughts. Her sister stood there looking worn out.  
  
"Do you want some coffee?"  
  
Catherine smiled gratefully and followed Laura into the kitchen.  
  
"So, how's Ellie these days?" Catherine enquired about her niece.  
  
Her sister rubbed her tired eyes. "God. You tell me. I don't even know where she is. I daren't go look in her room. Sometimes I check on her and find her bed unslept in. My heart sinks. I keep picturing her lying dead in a ditch somewhere.   
  
"Sometimes I look in and she's there, but it's even worse. Maybe she'll be passed out in her clothes. Perhaps lying in her own vomit or covered in cuts and bruises from some stupid fight. Or maybe entangled in some guy. Maybe someone I've met before who she's introduced as 'just some friend' or maybe it'll be a random stranger."  
  
Laura paused, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Catherine placed a hand over hers, to comfort her.  
  
Laura sniffed and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.  
  
"I'm so afraid Cath. She's barely seventeen years old. Just a child. And there's nothing I can do to help her. It was bad enough when it was you. I had to watch as my little sister went totally off the rails. But this is so much worse. She's my baby girl and I can't touch her. I'm just watching her destroy herself."  
  
Her whole body shook with her silent sobs.  
  
Catherine went over and hugged her sister, stroking her hair to soothe her.  
  
She felt someone tapping her in the centre of her spine.  
  
"Mommy. Can I have some breakfast?"  
  
She turned to see Lindsey looking up at her, dressed in her pyjamas.   
  
"Oohh. Sweetie." Catherine scooped her up in her arms and kissed her on her forehead. "Auntie Laura'll fix you something."  
  
She waited for Laura to nod before placing Lindsey down on the floor beside her.  
  
"I'll go check on Ellie."  
  
"Thank you," Laura whispered gratefully.  
  
So this is the start of a new story. It's a bit dark I'm afraid. Anyway, please let me know what you think, coz I love reviews! 


	2. Ellie

A/N This next chapter's a little short, but I just needed to introduce Ellie.  
  
Spikes-storm I have to agree. It did begin a bit Jerry Springer-ish. Sorry.  
  
Anyway please read and review. Enjoy.  
  
Catherine paused outside the closed door and took a deep breath. Not bothering to knock, she pushed the door open and stepped inside.  
  
Ellie lay asleep on top of the bed sheets, still fully clothed. Her hipster jeans showed off her firm stomach and pierced navel. Her black vest top exposed her toned arms. Her bare feet displayed blood red painted toenails, which matched her chipped, ragged fingernails. Her long, dark hair was messy from where she'd slept on it, but that didn't matter. Some people look good when their appearance is a little wild.  
  
She looked so peaceful as she lay there. The image was only ruined by her battered face. A shadow of a bruise was forming on her right cheekbone. The left hand side of her lower lip was split and swollen. A thin trickle of dried blood snaked down from her hairline, beside her right temple.  
  
Catherine was suddenly struck by the memory of Ellie as a tiny, little girl. She had been so sweet. Always with a cheeky grin for everyone. Back then Catherine was the wild child, bringing shame on the family. Living for dancing. Dancing for money. Money for coke. Not living at all really. Merely leading a broken existence.  
  
Catherine took a step towards the bed. Leaning forward she called softly, "Ellie. Ellie"  
  
The reaction was nothing short of spectacular. Catherine didn't even see the transition. One second she was sleeping peacefully. The next she had leapt from the bed and landed smoothly beside it. Her knees were bent slightly, her weight balanced, her fists tight and raised in a fighting stance.  
  
Catherine took a step back in shock, but her eyes locked on Ellie's, holding her gaze. Eventually, Ellie had the decency to lower her hands and her eyes. A strand of hair fell across her face. She blew it away carelessly. As she lifted her head, she raised one eyebrow and grinned.  
  
"Sorry." At least she looked genuinely apologetic. "I'm a little jumpy. I don't do mornings."  
  
Catherine didn't move. Only her eyes flickered up and down, inspecting her niece. She didn't bother with false, cheerful greetings.  
  
"What happened to your face?" she demanded.  
  
"Aahh." Ellie rolled her eyes upwards. "I got into a spot of trouble."  
  
The stare she fixed Catherine with told her not to push for any more information.  
  
"It looks nasty. Do you want me to clean you up?"  
  
"No. I'll just take a shower. Then I'll be all shiny and new again," she joked. She still gave people that same cheeky grin that she had as a little girl.  
  
Still Catherine didn't move. Ellie didn't let this bother her. She wasn't particularly shy. She stripped off her rumpled clothes, down to her underwear. Ignoring Catherine's shocked expression, she grabbed a white bathrobe, slipped it on and tied the belt tight around her waist.  
  
As she made her way towards the door, she snatched a hairbrush off the dresser. She ushered Catherine towards the door and she obliged. She walked off towards the bathroom, swinging her hips. At the last second she turned back, winked at Catherine and closed the door, shutting her out.  
  
Catherine leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. That girl needed help. When she'd looked into Ellie's eyes, she'd seen through the tough exterior. Inside she was just a troubled little girl, afraid and insecure. Not unlike the side of herself that Catherine tried to hide.  
  
Perhaps this was Catherine's chance for redemption. She had to help her niece before she fell from grace, just as Catherine had done. She only hoped that she wasn't too late. 


	3. Connection

When Ellie returned from her shower she looked much better. Just like any other teenage girl. The blood on her forehead had been washed away and she had covered the bruise up with make-up. Catherine was glad that it had been her, not Laura, who had woken up Ellie. She was sure that Laura had seen her daughter in worse states, but she was also sure that Laura was balancing dangerously close to the edge and one more little thing would push her over.  
  
Catherine sipped her coffee, and then turned to her niece.  
  
"Tonight's my night off. Lindsey's sleeping over at a friends. What do you say you come over and we have a girly night in? Just the two of us. You know, movies and pizza."  
  
She waited expectantly, desperate for an opportunity to bond with Ellie.  
  
Ellie looked distant, as though she was considering something that would have no place in this room. Then she sighed.  
  
"Yeah. Whatever."  
  
"Great!" Catherine exclaimed, a little more brightly than she'd intended. "So, I'll pick you up from her at six o'clock."  
  
"Nah uh," Ellie said immediately, "No can do."  
  
"Ellie!" Laura scolded, "Cath is giving up her free time for you. The least you could do is act grateful."  
  
"Mother. If you had just let me finish," said Ellie with exaggerated calmness, "I was going to say. I have karate tonight. Do you think you could pick me up from training about eightish?"   
  
"No problem."  
  
Catherine pulled into the parking lot as the time approached eight thirty. Just as she'd been heading out the door the phone had rung. It had been Warrick. He'd wanted to ask her some questions about an old case they'd worked together on, so he could finish the report.  
  
The parking lot was dark and deserted. Catherine swore to herself. Then, through the gloom, she could just make out a lone figure sitting on the wall. As she jumped out of her car, she noticed that a glowing cigarette end pinpointed the figure.  
  
"I thought you'd forgotten about me," a voice called out of the darkness.  
  
Catherine apologized as she walked nearer. Ellie slid off the wall and tilting her head back towards the brightly shining moon, she slowly blew out a cloud of smoke.  
  
"You know smoking's bad for your health."  
  
Ellie shot her a 'the devil may care' look.  
  
Catherine reached forward and plucked the cigarette from her niece's fingers. She placed it between her own lips and inhaled deeply. Fixing her eyes steadily on Ellie's face, she exhaled delicately into the night air.  
  
Ellie giggled, delighted. "Catherine Willows!" She exclaimed. "And I thought you'd joined the goody two shoes, saintly Girl Scout ranks."  
  
Catherine's face remained hard. She dropped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it beneath the toe of her shoe.   
  
"Oh I'm a good girl alright, but old habits die hard." She grinned.  
  
Catherine unlocked the car and Ellie threw her bag containing her gi on the back seat. She'd changed after practice into a pair of jeans that fit even more closely than the ones she'd slept in earlier and a tight, low-cut vest top.  
  
Catherine peered overt he top of the car.  
  
"Are you ready for pizza?"  
  
"I know," said Ellie, as though an idea had just occurred to her, although clearly it hadn't. "Let's go along the strip."  
  
Catherine frowned. "We can't do that. You're only seventeen."  
  
"So?"  
  
Catherine still looked unconvinced.  
  
"Cath, please," Ellie begged, "I've got to show you something."  
  
Catherine eyed her suspiciously. "Show me what?"  
  
Ellie's face darkened. "Show you that some things never change."  
  
  
  
A/N Thank you for the reviews. I love hearing what other people think. The other characters will feature in this quite significantly, but all in good time! 


	4. Memory Lane

A/N Thanks for the reviews. They make it worth writing for. Just to clarify, the strip means the famous Las Vegas strip where all the casino's and everything are. Just my lazy way of writing it. From this chapter onwards it gets a little more twisted and maybe not completely realistic, but there we go. That's just the way my imagination rolls!  
  
The strip was truly alive tonight, but then it always is. It appeared as though the whole world was lit up by the garish, glowing displays on top of every building. They moved swiftly through the crowds, heading towards Fremont Street, the seedier side of Vegas. But Catherine doubted they were going to leave the strip. This route was familiar to her. She had a terrible feeling she knew where they were going.  
  
They waltzed easily through the entrance of the French Palace. As they passed through the doors, the security guard winked at Ellie. She nodded to him. Catherine kept Ellie close to her side as they moved deeper into the club. She jumped as a heavy hand clamped down on her shoulder, but relaxed again when she heard Ted Beaton's voice booming out behind her.  
  
"Catherine. Sweetheart. What brings you here on this fine evening? Have I done something wrong?" he joked.  
  
Catherine turned to face him. "Not yet. How are you doing?"  
  
"Never better. And you?"  
  
Catherine simply shrugged.  
  
Ted turned his attention to Ellie. "What about you Princess? Are you here to dance tonight?"  
  
Ellie glared at him and he grimaced. "Ooops."  
  
Catherine's heart sank as her fears were confirmed. "Please tell me you're not," she whispered, shaking her head.   
  
Ellie swallowed, unable to answer.  
  
Catherine's eyes flashed dangerously as she turned on Ted. Her voice was low and filled with anger.  
  
"How could you let her do this? Why didn't you tell me? What would it have taken for you to just call me? All you would have had to say was 'Hey Cath. Guess who our newest dancer is. Oh it's only your teenage niece. Yeah I know she's just a kid, but their are plenty of sick perverts out there who fantasize about a young thing like her, taking off her clothes.' Then I would have rushed in here, beaten the shit out of you and dragged her out right at the start. You make me sick!"  
  
She was yelling now, not caring that everyone was staring. Ted appeared unfazed. He looked to Ellie and said calmly, "What did you bring her in here for? You knew she'd react like this."   
  
Suddenly Ellie was looking a lot smaller, maybe even scared.  
  
"I had to show her for real. Ted I want out and Catherine's the only one who can help me."  
  
Annoyance spread across his face, but she ignored it and ploughed on.  
  
"One night, after a show, you told me how special Catherine was. You said she was a fallen angel in a world of sinners. You told me how you always knew that she was too for all this, but no matter how much you wanted to get her out, you couldn't, because you were too selfish to risk losing something so precious. Then afterwards you said that I reminded you so much of her that it scared you sometimes."  
  
Ellie paused for breathe and glanced sideways at Catherine. She was white with shock.  
  
"Well you were right. In many ways I am just like Catherine. She taught me to dance and she taught me well. The punters love me, just as they loved her back then. But I've still got something to learn. Catherine got out. Now I want to learn to escape for myself."  
  
She fell quiet. Her eyes dropped down to the floor. She grabbed Catherine's hand and guided her out onto the street, leaving behind a stunned Ted Beaton.   
  
Once outside, Catherine gulped down several lung fulls of the thick, warm night air. Ellie reached into her bag and retrieved a cigarette and a lighter. She was trying to look confident and in control, but Catherine could see her hands shaking violently as she struggled to light the cigarette. Eventually she gave up and shoved them back into her bag.  
  
"Is there anything else I need to see?"  
  
Ellie nodded her head weakly, one hand rubbing her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it has to be like this, but..."  
  
Catherine shook her head to silence her. "Lead on."  
  
They left the strip now and headed down Fremont Street. Catherine's spirits sank even lower. This route had once been familiar to her too. Catherine had never been particularly ashamed of her past as an exotic dancer, but there were some elements that accompanied it that she tried desperately to forget.  
  
Nestled between an all night cafe and a sports bar was a set of ornate, heavy, black double doors. Through the doors the top of a winding staircase was visible. The downward spiral was lit by tiny twinkling lights, like stars. Catherine didn't need to look up at the sign above the door to know where she was. She remembered it well.  
  
From the outside the 'Black Iris' club may have looked insignificant, but the long line of people snaking along the sidewalk showed how untrue this was. In the past Catherine had come her a lot, but rarely to dance. She had other business, down in the back rooms of the club. She suspected that this was where they were heading down.  
  
Ellie ignored the queuing clubbers and marched straight up to the two bouncers guarding the doors. The greasy looking one leered hungrily at Catherine. The more distinguished looking one of the pair blew Ellie a kiss.  
  
"Good evening Ellie, my darling."  
  
She smiled sweetly at him. "Patrick, always a pleasure."  
  
Despite his politeness Catherine hated him on instinct. Ellie seemed to know everyone around here, just as Catherine had once done, but not one of them cared enough to try and stop her.   
  
A/N I thought I would put in a bit of Catherine's infamous sarcasm in this chapter.  
  
The 'Black Iris' club does not exist, as far as I know, outside of my imagination,   
  
so don't go searching the streets of Vegas for it!  
  
As always please review, thank you. 


	5. Dealing death

A/N Hi again. It's taken me a bit longer to update this time, coz I'm back at school, so kinda busy. This next chapter gets even more twisted. even so please read and review.  
  
As they descended down the stairs, the music grew gradually louder. Just as Catherine had suspected, they headed straight for the bar that ran across the back wall. Beside the bar, tucked away in one corner, was a locked door, painted black to blend in with the walls of the same colour. A young guy was serving drinks behind the bar. He looked barely old enough to be around alcohol. He waved at Ellie.  
  
"Hey Ryan," she called.  
  
When she reached the bar, she pulled herself up so her feet left the ground and leaned over to kiss Ryan on the cheek.  
  
"You got the key?" she whispered, her lips so close to his ear that they tickled his skin.  
  
He reached under the bar and retrieved a small, gold key, which he slipped into the palm of her waiting hand.  
  
"Thanks babe."  
  
She pushed it into the lock and twisted. She nudged the door open with her foot. She held it open so Catherine could go reluctantly through the gap, then turning she flipped the key back to Ryan, who caught it with one hand and stored it safely away under the counter.  
  
They stood now in a dimly lit corridor. Closed doors leading to offices and storerooms lined the grubby walls. At the far end of the passageway one door stood slightly ajar. Catherine followed Ellie through this door.  
  
They were now surrounded by bare brickwork. Dusty stone steps sank deeper under Vegas' streets. A rusty handrail provided guidance downwards. The image was worse than Catherine's memories.  
  
They made their way down the crumbling steps. Catherine uncertainly, thick dread building inside her. Ellie with steady determination, like a fighter stepping into the ring.  
  
The space below was squalid and stank of corruption. The broken youth of Vegas sprawled on stained, leaking cushions, tossed carelessly on the ground. Scrawny, twitchy people of indeterminable age perched on ancient, broken sofas. In the centre was a low, scarred table, cluttered with drugs related paraphernalia. The area was littered with sticky pieces of burnt foil and leaking syringes.   
  
A hollow cheeked man shakily scraped a pale powder into a line, while his partner eyed it hungrily. The air was filled with sickly sweet marijuana smoke.   
  
Overseeing all of this from an imposing straight-backed, wooden armchair was a gnarled, sly looking older man. Despite his age, Catherine could still see the flames of deceit dancing in his cruel eyes, just as there always had been. He recognized Catherine instantly. His lips twisted into a cruel sneer.  
  
"You came back."  
  
"Never," Catherine spat.  
  
She hadn't noticed a younger man nod to Ellie on their entrance and begin preparing a package. He reached across now to hand this to her. Catherine intercepted it, snatching it from his hands and hurling it furiously against the wall. Most of the people in the room were too stoned to notice this outburst, but the guy who had prepared the package stood up sharply. The aging dealer swung out an arm, pushing him back down again. Then he focused on Catherine.  
  
"Really. That's no way to behave. There was a time when I was your lifeline."  
  
"Lifeline?" she hissed. "You were draining the life from me. Every time I came to you, another part of me died. I was a prisoner of cocaine and I will never return to that pathetic existence." She was shaking uncontrollably with rage. "And I won't let you destroy my niece as well."  
  
He glanced dismissively at Ellie. "She's already damaged goods. You managed to save yourself. Well done. But do you really believe you have enough strength left to save another?"  
  
Enraged, Catherine kicked over the table. Grabbing Ellie by the wrist, she dragged her towards the filthy staircase. At the last second she turned back.  
  
"I hate you," she screamed, "You sit here in this hovel like a lord, dealing death to the hopeless. Destroying lives. Corrupting innocents. You are the devil himself."   
  
She whirled around and stormed off. Dumbfounded, Ellie followed.  
  
For the second time that night, Catherine found herself out on the street, shaking furiously. Her emotions were in turmoil. Gradually she became aware of Ellie sobbing beside her. She pulled her niece in, hugging her tightly. Her throat constricted, preventing her from speaking.  
  
Through her sobs Ellie whispered, "Please help me."  
  
Catherine held her at arms length and looked deep into her green eyes. Tears blurred her vision and she blinked to clear it.  
  
"I want to help you and I promise I'll try my best, but you have to want to save yourself."  
  
Ellie sniffed and closed her eyes. "I don't know how I got into this mess. It has to stop before it's too late. I'm dieing inside. I'm so afraid. I swear I'll try, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to survive anymore."  
  
Catherine tenderly took her smooth hands in her own. "I won't lose you."  
  
A/N I have a tendency to get kind of soap opera dramatic. Sorry about then.   
  
The next chapter will be more CSI based, involving the other characters. There's even a pairing! I'm not saying who, but if you've read either of my other fics then you can probably guess. 


	6. Fight of failure

A/N This is the chapter where I add the other CSI's. Thank you for the reviews. Also thanks 'The Madhatter2' you didn't guess the original pairing right, but you gave me an idea for one in a future chapter! hope you enjoy this one. Please read and review.  
  
The next night Catherine sat with the other CSI's waiting to be assigned their cases/ She'd been unable to sleep after Ellie's revelation. Her face was pale and black rings circled her puffy eyes. Distractedly she chewed on her fingernails. She barely noticed her colleagues beside her. Their faces were filled with concern as they looked on a Catherine none of them had ever seen before. She jumped when her cell phone rang, and then scrambled to answer it.  
  
"Willows"  
  
"Cath?" Her sister's small, worried voice was on the other end.  
  
"Laura? Is everything okay? Oh god. Ellie."  
  
"She's gone. When you brought her back I thought I saw a change, but she's gone again, just like before. I thought you should know. You can't help her. She'll never change."  
  
"Thanks Laura. I'm sorry." Catherine's voice cracked.  
  
She placed her cell phone down beside her, torn between rushing out to search for Ellie or basking in her failure. She wasn't given a chance to decide.  
  
Grissom came flying into the room, gasping for breathe.  
  
"Grab your things. We're all together tonight. There's a massive gang fight down town. They need all services there. Collect evidence as you can, but be careful. It's not been settled yet. We're all in danger. Let your lives be the first priority, not the evidence."  
  
As they rushed to leave the lab, Sara, Nick and Warrick looked alive with the thrill of the situation, but apprehension haunted their eyes. They were well aware of the dangers they faced. Grissom's face was unreadable, his gaze stony. Catherine looked ill. She didn't need to see the scene to know that Ellie was involved. She feared that despite her promise, she had already lost her.  
  
Tonight Vegas was a war zone. The night was lit by the flickering flames of many unattended bonfires. Shouts, screams and gunfire echoed through the darkness. Ruined bodies lay among the debris. Most were lifeless, battered and broken beyond repair. Some twisted and groaned, clinging desperately to the last threads of life.  
  
The five CSI's pressed on through the terrible destruction, making no pretence of any bravery. Nick and Sara clung to each other, seeking protection in their love for one another. Warrick took Catherine's hand as a gesture of support. Even Grissom appeared shocked to the core. The scene was truly horrific.  
  
Close by the harsh crack of a gunshot rang out, followed by heart wrenching scream. In the shadows of a nearby building a young girl fought fiercely with a tall, muscular lad. Unarmed combat. Strength and power against speed and skill. Finally the girl caught her attacker in the left temple with a deadly accurate roundhouse kick. He crashed to the ground and she ducked with him, smashing her fist into his nose, rendering him unconscious. Stealthily she moved away from the body, out of the shadows, unaware of the hulking figure creeping up behind. As her face was lit up by a flaming bonfire, Catherine recognized her and yelled a frantic warning.  
  
"Ellie!"  
  
Too late. The huge man grabbed her with a great, hairy arm across her throat. Ellie's hands shot up, her fingers clawing at her attacker. Choked by his grasp she tried to call out.  
  
"Catherine."  
  
Fear danced in her eyes along with the firelight.  
  
Before Catherine could move to help her, someone rushed past, shoving Catherine to the ground at Warrick's feet. He reached down to help. No one noticed Sara break free of the group until it was too late. She was off and running towards the trapped Ellie before anyone could stop her.  
  
Still gripping Ellie with his left arm, the man reached down with his other hand. With amazing speed for someone so big he snatched a gun from the holster at his hip. Stretching out his arm he shot at Sara. A single bullet sliced into her chest and she dropped to the floor with a strangled cry. Nick screamed her name and began to charge towards her.  
  
Basking in the glory of his hit, the man accidentally loosened his grip on Ellie. Big mistake! In an instant she was moving like a whirlwind. The gun was knocked from his grasp and it flew unseen into the darkness. She grabbed the arm around her neck and twisted out of his hold. In one fluid movement she swung her leg, sweeping his feet out from under him, then using his own momentum to smash him tot he ground. He landed flat on his back. She slammed her toe up under his jaw, bringing blood to his lips. Turning slightly she stamped all her weight down into his stomach, then bending she finished him off with a strong right hook to the side of his nose.  
  
Then Ellie too was rushing to Sara's side. She knelt in the dust opposite Nick. Nick had met Ellie a few times when she was younger. Kneeling in front of him now, filthy and bleeding, she bared little resemblance to the sweet happy twelve year old he had first met. He clung desperately to Sara's clammy hand, softly muttering her name through his tears.  
  
"Sara. Sara."  
  
"Sara," whispered Ellie, as though tasting the name of her saviour for the first time. She took Sara's other hand.  
  
Sara was still clinging to consciousness. Her face was twisted with pain. Her voice croaked as she gasped for breath.  
  
"Nick, it hurts. I'm so cold."  
  
"Hush. Don't try to talk." Nick stroked her hair. "Just hang in their baby."  
  
"Baby!" Sara gasped. Panic flashed across her face. "My baby. Nick. My baby."  
  
"Oh shit." Catherine caught Sara's last comment as she came to rest at Sara's head. "It's gonna be okay honey. You can get through this."  
  
Warrick and Grissom arrived with the paramedics. Quickly and efficiently the loaded the injured Sara onto a stretcher and rushed her into a waiting ambulance, accompanied by a distraught Nick. Sirens blaring, they disappeared in the direction of the hospital.  
  
Grissom and Warrick stood there, frozen to the spot, torn between doing their job and rushing off to the hospital, after Sara.  
  
Ellie fell into Catherine's arms. She was near hysterical. "Oh god. I'm so sorry. I killed your friend."  
  
"Listen." Catherine placed a comforting hand on Ellie's cheek. "Sara isn't dead. You didn't kill anyone." She caught sight of the two guys Ellie had taken out. One groaned and the others leg twitched. "You didn't kill anyone," she repeated more firmly. Ellie was unable to speak. Catherine just held her, rocking her backwards and forwards, like a child.  
  
Locked in their own little world of mourning, they didn't notice that the chaos had ceased. Deathly silence had fallen on the hellish scene.  
  
Picking his way through the rubble, Brass approached Grissom. Gently he placed a hand on Grissom's shoulder, causing the stunned man to jump.  
  
"It's under control. We can manage without you. Go to Sara."  
  
They didn't need telling twice. Warrick and Grissom practically ran to the Tahoe, closely followed by Catherine and Ellie.  
  
A/N Some of my self-defence training from my karate came through in that chapter. I think I can understand if you hate Ellie after this for being so selfish and getting Sara hurt. Now you'll have to wait for the next chapter to discover Sara's fate! Thanks for reading and please keep reviewing. 


	7. Holding on

A/N This chapter's a bit of a mush. It was written in bits as and when I got the chance and inspiration struck me, so it might not flow very well. As always, please read and review.  
  
When they reached the hospital, they found Nick frantically pacing the waiting area. Understandably, he looked awful. Catherine wrapped her arms around him and he barely managed not to break down in tears.  
  
"They won't tell me anything."  
  
Warrick joined them, resting his hand on Nick's arm.  
  
"She'll pull through, man. Sara's strong."  
  
Nick sank down into an empty chair and covered his face with his hands. Grissom took up Nick's path and began pacing the waiting area. Unseen by anyone, Ellie slid down the wall and sat, shaking, curled up on the floor.  
  
Finally a doctor stepped through the swinging doors of the trauma room and strolled up to the group.  
  
"Are you with Sara Sidle?"  
  
Nick's head jerked up sharply. "How is she?"  
  
The doctor took a seat opposite them. "It looks like she's going to make it."  
  
The all visibly relaxed and Nick sighed with relief.  
  
The doctor continued. "It was touch and go for a while. She lost a hell of a lot of blood, causing her heart to stop briefly, but we managed to restart it, and stop the bleeding. She's on her way up to surgery now to repair the damage to her lung caused by the bullet."  
  
Nick cut in, "What about our baby?"  
  
The doctor looked down at his hands, avoiding Nick's worried gaze. "I'm sorry. The trauma Sara suffered was too great. Due to the extent of the damage, she lost the baby. I'm truly sorry."  
  
Nick uttered a strangled cry. "Please don't let Sara die on that operating table. I can't stand to lose anything else."  
  
"Our surgeons are the best," the doctor promised. He rose from his seat. "A nurse will be along shortly to take you upstairs. You can wait there for more news."  
  
He left them grieving for a life that never got to see the light of day.  
  
The wait for news of Sara's condition was agonizing. For hours, which felt like days, they comforted one another and prayed openly for good news. Only Ellie remained silent. She sat, locked away in her own little world, staring blankly, her face set in mask of determination.  
  
Her insides churned with guilt and self-loathing. Each time she caught sight of a CSI's distraught face, especially Nick's, another swell of self-hatred burst inside her.  
  
After what felt like an eternity, Sara's doctor appeared again. Naturally curious people, all the CSI's searched his face desperately for clues of Sara's condition.   
  
"Sara made it through the surgery. It was successful and we managed to repair the damage. She's in intensive care now. We don't know when she'll wake up."  
  
"But she will wake up, right?" Nick asked anxiously.  
  
The doctor nodded gravely. "Providing there's no complications. It's just a matter of time and patience now."  
  
"Well can I see her?" Nick could no longer sit still. "I want to be there when she wakes up."  
  
"I can only allow you in. The rest of you might as well go home and get some rest. I'm sure you'll be kept informed of her progress."  
  
He glanced across at Nick, who nodded, whilst hopping from foot to foot, desperate to see Sara.  
  
The doctor continued, "You can return and visit her when she's awake and a little stronger."  
  
No one looked particularly pleased with this arrangement, but they were all too exhausted to argue.  
  
AS they turned to leave Warrick and Grissom expressed their sympathy to Nick with a nod and Catherine hugged him. Ellie observed this from a distance. The doctor led Nick off to Sara's room, leaving them to return to their cars.  
  
Catherine had driven Nick's Tahoe to the hospital rather than leave it at the crime scene. They decided now to leave it in the parking lot, so Nick wouldn't be stranded at the hospital. Instead the all piled into Grissom's car.  
  
They dropped Warrick off first. He could barely keep his eyes open, he was so tired, but he knew that he would be plagued with nightmares about Sara, preventing him from getting ant real sleep.  
  
Next stop was Laura's, to return Ellie home. Catherine made her promise to stay in the house until she picked her up to visit Sara. Although Ellie didn't know Sara, she felt an obligation to check on her progress. Hell she'd saved her life. She owed her big time. Also, she desperately wanted to speak with Sara. She had questions that only Sara could answer and most of all she just wanted to thank her. Ellie still appeared to be in shock and Catherine was certain she wouldn't venture out this time.   
  
Grissom and Catherine drove to Catherine's house in silence, both lost in their thoughts. It was only when the pulled into the driveway that they acknowledged each other's presence. Amid the chaos, Catherine had managed to arrange for Lindsey to stay another night at her friend's house, but looking at the dark, empty house, she had no desire to be alone.  
  
Grissom stared at her, his face filled with concern. Catherine considered dismissing it all as concern over Sara. After all, those two had been friends for years and despite their complex relationship, she knew her cared for her deeply and felt a duty to protect her. Even so, Catherine suspected that he was also worried about her.  
  
She thought that on some level her cared for her as much as he did for Sara. They had a different kind of relationship. They shared a connection that no one could explain. Catherine and Grissom were very different, but they still remained close.  
  
Catherine silently scolded herself for being so selfish and thinking of her own feelings, whilst Sara lay helpless in a hospital bed.  
  
Neither had moved from their seats in the car. Finally, Catherine made eye contact with Grissom. She took a deep breath and licked her lips nervously. This was insane. She was acting like a confused teenager.  
  
"Would you like to come in?"  
  
Grissom nodded, not taking his eyes off her.  
  
Catherine grinned, relieved that she wouldn't have to be alone. She jumped out of the car and was immediately hit by the cold, night air. She shivered. She hadn't noticed the cold when she left the hospital, probably still in shock.  
  
Grissom followed her to the front door. They stood on the dark porch, whilst Catherine searched frantically through her bag for her keys. The cold was freezing her lips. Grissom must have read her mind. As her fingers closed around her keys, his lips closed around hers. She froze, but as warmth spread through her body, from his lips, she relaxed.  
  
Blindly she pushed the keys in the direction of the lock. Even as the door opened Grissom never stopped kissing her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him inside. He kicked the door shut behind them. Closing the door on the icy night and all the horrors it had brought them.  
  
A/N This is as much as I've written so far, so any ideas about how to continue would be greatly appreciated. The next chapter will be up as soon as I've written it. 


	8. Wake up

A/N thank you for all the reviews especially madhatter2. You were my inspiration to stop playing around on my computer and sit down to write this next chapter. Please keep them coming in.  
  
This was the hardest thing he'd had to do in his entire life. Just sitting there watching Sara. Holding her cold hands. Staring at her blank, peaceful face. Gently kissing her soft, unmoving lips. It was almost as if she was dead.   
  
He couldn't let himself think like that. She wasn't dead, just sleeping. She looked so angelic. She was perfect. All that ruined it was the lack of life in her resting form. The silence in the room was killing him. Simply to break up the stillness, he clasped her hand even more tightly and asked her out loud to wake up. In fact it was more than asking, he demanded she wake up, he begged her.  
  
He'd never loved anyone before like he loved Sara. In fact if this was love, and he was sure it was, then he'd never felt true love before he'd met Sara. It broke his heart to know that when she woke up he'd have to tell her about the baby. The first symbol of their union of love and it was lost. If he was a pessimist, he would see it as a bad omen, but he honestly believed that their love was stronger than that. He was certain they could see this through and come out of it stronger, closer and even more in love. If you don't look for the good in these situations you'll go insane. There's always sunshine on the other side, you just have to have the will to reach there. Looking forwards to a brighter future helps you move forwards towards it.   
  
Sara filled all his visions of his future and they were all dazzling. Still holding her hand, his fingers lightly stroking the smooth flesh, he leaned forwards to kiss her again. He was surprised by the warmth of her lips. He was even more surprised when he felt her kissing him back. She whimpered slightly beneath him and he pushed himself back to give her room.   
  
"Sara. Sara honey. I'm here."  
  
She still hadn't opened her eyes, but Nick could see from the expression on her face that she was in severe pain. He couldn't stand to see her misery, so he moved to fetch a doctor. Sara gripped his hand even more tightly. She clearly didn't want him to leave her. He froze in his tracks; unsure of what to do next, but then her eyes flew open as she cried out in pain. That made up his mind. He rushed from the room, yelling for a doctor. He saw a nurse jump up down the corridor and happy that help was coming, he hurried back to Sara's side.  
  
The next hour was a blur. The doctors rushed in and out taking Sara's vitals, administering medication, asking questions, and doing tests. Finally they were satisfied that Sara had made the greatest leap towards her recovery and they left the couple alone. Exhausted and drugged up to keep the pain at bay, Sara slipped into a peaceful slumber. Nick lay his head down besides her, clasping her hand in his and he too fell asleep.   
  
Through the blissful haze of her dreams, the insistent ringing of the phone dragged Catherine from her sleep. She reached her hand over, waving it around until it hit the phone and lifted the receiver.  
  
"Hello?" Her voice was husky. She wasn't yet fully awake. She was slightly confused as to why she was so tired having just woken up.  
  
"She's awake!"  
  
"Nicky?"  
  
"Hi Cath. Sara's woken up. She's going to be okay. She's resting now, but you can come and visit soon if you like."  
  
He sounded so happy, like a kid on Christmas morning who got exactly what he wanted. Nick's gift was Sara.  
  
"Fantastic. I'll be there soon. Give her my love."  
  
"Great." Nick paused. "Do you know where Griss is? I can't get hold of him."  
  
It suddenly struck Catherine why she was so tired still. She swallowed.  
  
"Ummm. I'll make sure he gets the message."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
They hung up.  
  
Catherine rolled over and found herself looking straight into the shining blue eyes of Gil Grissom. He kissed her lightly.  
  
"Morning beautiful."  
  
"Sara's going to be okay. She's awake."  
  
Grissom breathed out a deep sigh of relief. "Thank god for that." He sank back into the pillows.  
  
Catherine pulled herself up to straddle him. Looking down on him from above she frowned. "Do you feel guilty?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"About what we did last night. I mean, it was wonderful. Don't get me wrong. But we did that while Sara's life hung in the balance. I feel we should have shown her more respect." She sighed, sounding frustrated.  
  
He kissed her. "Sara's fine now. These things happen. We had to find our own way of dealing with the stress. I can't think of a better way. I'm sure Sara won't hold it against us."  
  
Visibly relaxed now, Catherine climbed off the bed and went to get ready to visit Sara. Amazing really how one man can make everything seem so right.  
  
Grissom lay there in the empty bed, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't believe how heartless he had just sounded. Catherine didn't seem to notice, but he was painfully aware of how uncaring his words could have appeared. It wasn't that he didn't care about Sara, or that sex was more important to him than her life. He did feel guilty about giving in to his desires while she was lying helpless in the hospital, but he wouldn't admit to his guilt. It would show a weakness within him and he tried never to do that, especially not where Sara was involved. She was so determined never to show any signs of vulnerability and he would always walk strong beside her. It was like a competition between the two of them.   
  
He really did believe that Sara would be happy for him and Catherine. In the past their relationship had been twisting and uncertain, but now they were just two friends, looking out for each other and wishing for the best. She had Nick now and perhaps it was time for him to admit that he needed someone in his life.   
  
There had never been any doubt in his mind that Catherine was the woman for him. He had always felt something special for her, but he'd never had the courage to act on it. Last night, he couldn't really explain it, but he had been incapable of stopping himself. He needed her so much and no one could be more surprised than him to find that she needed him just as much.  
  
His thoughts turned now to Ellie. She was Catherine's personal challenge, one that she had to succeed in. He would do everything in his power to help her with her task, make Catherine happy and Ellie safe. He wanted to be her through everything, starting with this.   
  
TBC....  
  
A/N This is the first time I've tried writing Grissom's point of view. What did you think? I had to wrestle my psychology work off my friend so I could finish my essay in my study period and then come home and finish this chapter for you. Hope you liked it. Please let me know. 


	9. Tell me why

A/N Thank you for all the reviews. Keep them coming in coz I love to read them. It wasn't disturbing my studies at all to write that last chapter. The fact that I was studying at all in my study period is progress. Someone thought it would be a good idea to give us swively chairs on wheels in our computer room at school. Actually it's a great idea, we just never get any studying done coz we spend all our time spinning round the room! Sorry this is totally random. Apparently we were supposed to grow up over the summer for our final year at school, but I'm still waiting. So anyway, on with chapter 9.  
  
Sara had woken up for the second time that day. Although she was a little less woozy now, she was still a bit disorientated. Her hand scratched softly on the bed cover, until her fingers found Nicks warm hands. He was still sleeping, but she wove her fingers between his. She slowly became aware that she was in a hospital and vague memories of the riot drifted through her mind. She clutched Nick's hand more tightly, comforted by his presence. She tried to block the images from her mind and focus on Nick. He was all she needed right now. She knew that she'd been hurt, but she had no idea how badly. Right now she didn't care either, so long as he stayed with her.  
  
She tried to shift herself in the bed, to get a better view of Nick's sleeping figure. A sharp stabbing pain tore through her chest, causing her to cry out and crash down onto the bed. Nick's eyes flew open and he jerked upright, so fats he almost fell off his chair.   
  
"Sara! What are you doing?"  
  
"Nick? What's wrong with me?"  
  
"Don't you remember?"  
  
Sara shook her head. Tears filled her eyes.  
  
"I was hurt in the riot, right?"  
  
"You were shot in the chest. You nearly died."  
  
Realization dawned on Sara's face. "That girl!"  
  
"Who Ellie?"  
  
"Ellie?"  
  
"Catherine's niece. The girl you were running to save when you were shot."  
  
Concerned filled Sara's eyes. "Is she okay?"  
  
"She's fine as far as I know. Thanks to you. A little shook up I guess, but that's all. Anyway, you shouldn't be worrying about anyone else. You've gotta concentrate on yourself and getting better."  
  
Sara's hand drifted up to rest on her stomach. Something didn't feel right. Nick looked at her, but her eyes were empty.  
  
"What about our baby?"  
  
Now Nick's eyes were filled with tears. Without speaking he reached over and hugged Sara close to his chest, careful not to cause her any unnecessary pain. He let his tears fall freely as he buried his face in her hair.  
  
"God Sara, I'm so sorry."  
  
He didn't need to say anymore. Sara could figure the rest out for herself. She pulled away from him and turned her face away to stare at the blank wall opposite. Nick reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.   
  
When she spoke her voice was cold and lifeless. "Why are you sorry? It's all my fault. I killed our baby. I just didn't think. I'm so selfish"  
  
"Sara don't say that. Don't even think it. It's not your fault. It's the fault of the bastard who shot you. You're not selfish. You weren't thinking of yourself. You were only thinking of the life of a young girl, who you've never even met. That's not selfish. It's completely selfless and brave and well... stupid, but then most heroic acts are. I would never blame you."  
  
"How can you not blame me? I never really thought I wanted the baby anyway."  
  
"Maybe you didn't realise it then, but look at how upset you are now. You did want that baby and you would have been an excellent mother. You still can be. This isn't the end. I still love you. Now more than ever. Don't let this tear us apart."  
  
Sara turned back to face Nick. Through her tears she smiled weakly. This time she allowed him to draw her into a tight embrace. They sat there alone in the hospital room. Not talking, just allowing themselves to enjoy each other's presence. Comforted by their love for on another.  
  
If Warrick or Ellie noticed the newfound closeness between Grissom and Catherine neither of them commented on it. They were waiting in the harshly lit hospital corridor for their chance to see Sara. Ellie was fretting.  
  
"What if she doesn't want to see me? She should hate me. I don't think I should be here."  
  
She didn't leave, but she looked as though she might bolt at any second. Catherine pushed down on her shoulder, forcing her to sit on a plastic chair. She sat there drumming her heels on the metal chair leg. That sound can get annoying, but since Catherine was on the verge of tapping her own toes with impatience, she let it go. Instead she settled for silently beating her fingers against her thigh. Grissom noticed this and took hold of her hand. He squeezed her fingers gently to stop them twitching. Even when her hand relaxed he didn't let go. Instead her raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. Warrick's eyebrows shot up and Ellie smirked.  
  
"Congratulations," she said dryly.  
  
Catherine opened her mouth to give a frenzied explanation, but closed it again when she caught sight of Nick beckoning to them from an open doorway. Thankful for being saved from making a fool of herself, she hurried off towards Nick. She had forgotten that Grissom still had hold of her hand and he didn't let go, so she ended up dragging him along behind her. Warrick followed, shaking his head at this new development. Ellie brought up the rear, dragging her feet, weighed down by her guilt.  
  
Despite her tired, pale appearance, Sara looked considerably better than the last time they had seen her, lying bleeding at the crime scene. One by one the approached the bed and hugged her, expressing their sympathy. Ellie did so stiffly, sounding uncomfortable, before retreating swiftly to the corner of the room.  
  
Sara's observational skills had apparently not been affected by her injury and she had never been one for subtleness. She immediately took note of Grissom and Catherine's joined hands and couldn't resist commenting.  
  
"Wow! It's nice to see some good came out of all this," she joked, gesturing to her chest wound. "This is a recent development, right? Don't tell me I missed the signs before."  
  
"Very new," Catherine confirmed, sounding a little embarrassed.  
  
"Cool. I'm happy for you."  
  
Catherine didn't look convinced.  
  
"Really. I am." Sara grinned.  
  
"Thank you." Grissom actually sounded proud. "Anyway enough about us. How are you feeling?"  
  
Sara pulled a face. "As well as can be expected I guess."  
  
They spent a while just chatting, about the rioting, Sara's injury and such like. Everyone careful avoided the issue of Sara's lost baby. Only Ellie didn't partake in the conservation. She felt horribly out of place. She knew it was selfish, after all these people had almost lost one of their best friends, the least they deserved was some quality time with her, but Ellie desperately wanted to speak to Sara, alone.   
  
After a while, a silence fell on the room. Uncertainly, Ellie spoke up.  
  
"Ummm.... Sara. Could I speak to you please? Alone."  
  
Her eyes flickered nervously around the room. No one spoke. They understood.   
  
Sara smiled at the anxious girl. "Sure."  
  
Silently, the others left the room. As he exited, Nick stooped to kiss Sara on the forehead. Once they were alone, Sara gestured to the chair beside her bed and Ellie took a seat. She sat with her arms folded across her body and her legs crossed, as though trying to protect herself. It wasn't that she felt threatened by Sara; she just didn't feel comfortable here.  
  
Sara looked intently at her face, waiting patiently for Ellie to speak. She didn't want to push her and risk scaring her off.  
  
"I want to say thank you, for saving my life." This came out as a rush. Ellie took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I never realised how stupid I was being. I never realised how many people I had hurt."  
  
Tears glistened in her eyes now, but she managed to stop them falling.  
  
Sara took her shaking hand. "I don't know the story behind this. I don't know what you've done, but I don't believe it's all your fault."  
  
Ellie snatched her hand away and slapped both her hands down on her knees. Her eyes now shone with anger, but it was anger at herself, not at Sara. "That's my point. You don't even know me. Surely just my presence at that riot should have told you that I'm not exactly an upstanding citizen. So why did you save me?"  
  
"I saved you because of Catherine. I didn't know you were her niece until this morning, but when she saw you, the look in her eyes told me how important you were. They were filled with fear and love. It didn't matter how you appeared to me, fighting wildly amongst the chaos, I trust Catherine and through her I could see you were better than all that. When she was knocked to the ground and she couldn't reach you, it was as though she had already lost you. Her face froze in utter terror and mortification.  
  
"In that instant, I saw you as she sees you. A young girl, in need of help. I stopped thinking about myself; I stopped thinking logical at all. I just knew I had to get to you. I ran and then I don't know what happened. I never reached you, so I don't see how I could have saved you, but you're still alive, so I guess something went right."  
  
Ellie shook her head, biting her lip. "I'm so grateful. I can't find the words to express how much this means to me, but you shouldn't have done it. You paid the ultimate price and I don't deserve such a sacrifice."  
  
"You mean my baby?" Sara asked softly.  
  
Ellie nodded, her eyes downcast, so Sara couldn't see the tears start to fall.  
  
"I should thank you for that."  
  
Ellie's head shot up. "Huh?" She frowned.  
  
Sara explained, "You know what they say, 'You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone'?"  
  
Ellie nodded.  
  
"Right. Well. I didn't think I wanted that baby. I didn't believe I was ready to be a mother. I was wrong. When I heard that I had lost that baby, it was the worst feeling in the world. I felt like a part of me had died too."   
  
On catching sight of Ellie's panicked, guilt ridden expression, Sara hurried to correct herself. "I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, I'm just trying to explain."  
  
Ellie nodded, but her expression didn't change.   
  
Sara sighed and continued. "What I'm trying to say is that I realise now that I was ready to have a baby. I am ready. If it wasn't for you I never would have realised how precious life is and for that I thank you. Nick and I. we're going to try again now. Deliberately conceive. And this time it will be a baby that's wanted right from the start. Maybe it's better that way."  
  
Ellie wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled weakly. "Wow! I don't know if I believe it all, but thank you for saying it. And thank you again for saving me, in more ways than one. I know you don't know my story, but you're right. I do have problems. I was supposed to be sorting myself out, but I didn't take it seriously. I screwed up big time and this is what happened." She nodded to Sara. "You've given me a second chance and I'd be crazy not to take it. Next time I might not be so lucky. Thank you and good luck with the baby. I hope you get well soon."  
  
She gave Sara a final smile and left the room, ready to start over.  
  
A/N It's a bit cheezy and unbelievable at the end of this chapter, but I felt some explanations were owed. This could be the final chapter, but I have a few more ideas to extend it. I think leaving it here might be leaving too many unanswered questions. So let me know what you think and I can add the alternative, less cheezy ending.  
  
*Sorry about the z in cheesy. My mate thinks it looks better that way, so it's become habit to spell it that way. * 


End file.
